Update?

What's there to say?

I work, a lot. At an arts non-profit in Downtown LA that I think does amazing work. Everyday is different and sometimes better or worse than the one before. But, at least I'm working and I get the pleasure of working with some great people.

On November 15, 2009, Joel and I are getting married. Woo Woo. So, I'm also planning a wedding. Finally after a year of being engaged, Joel and I found the perfect location up north. It took us a lot of scouting around LA before we found this place. I was ready to give up and have a small ceremony in Chicago on Lake Michigan (@Promontory Point). So instead of that we're having a small wedding (~50 ppl) in a winery in Livermore, CA. We're very excited to get over the planning and enjoy the celebration. Our photographer, Jennifer Graham, is fantastic. We'll be shooting an engagement session with her in August that we're looking forward to, as well as settling all the small details

What else?

I'm FINALLY taking a photography class. Yey. I took one awhile back at SMC, but it was slide photography and I never got to work in a darkroom. I'm going to class Tues and Thurs from 5:30 to 9:30, which originally I thought would kill me, but I come out at 9:30 (sometimes a bit later!) completely rejuvenated, excited, energized and in a fantastic mood. Most days the stress of my job follows me everywhere I go, except during photo where all I think about is the image in front of me. I love it.

I'm also taking a French class, after all these years, just in case I ever do get around to submitting my applications for phd programs..

And starting tomorrow, Joel and I are starting a new volunteer job. On Sundays and Mondays will be walking a super duper cute and HUGE Bouvier de Flanders named Somebody Very Special for a client of PAWS/LA (the nonprofit I previously worked for). I'm hoping that being involved w/PAWS as a volunteer will also be a good distraction. Even if it's just walking a dog a couple of times a week, and delivering pet food once a month. It makes me feel good to help someone directly. At my job now the results are sort of removed. I'm work more on the administrative side of the organization, so unlike when I worked at PAWS, I don't feel connected to the people we serve.

So that's it. Yay.

Re: Human Interaction

Human interaction = good.

I don't know where my fear originates from.


Is it from my shyness? My complete hatred (more like, complete FEAR) of calling people and initiating conversations? Or maybe a fear of the unknown. For someone who makes life altering decisions on what seems like a whim, I don't understand why the unexpected element of hanging out with people launches me into a sort of anti-social behavior, and I either ignore invites, or dread going through with plans I enthusiastically make.

After much nerves today, I found that I just need to get over the initial fear of meeting someone new, or someone I haven't seen in awhile, because once that's in the clear, I'm able to relax, laugh and have such a wonderful time.

Sometimes, I am deathly afraid of human interaction.

i just don't understand, and i give up trying to.

I feel helpless.

Monday morning reflections

I miss the following (and I will not cry as I make this list):

1) my dignity!
2) Autumn, winter...seasons
3) my loft
4)books
5) reading
6) writing
7) thinking
8) the east coast
9) every where I've been to that is not LA
10) sleeping with Joel in a bigger bed
11) walking
12) being thin
13) short hair
14)cold
15) Veronica
16) feeling creative
17) Lake Michigan
18) subway trains
19) an apartment
20) cooking
21) grocery shopping
22) stop'n'shop
23) Boston Commons
24) clothes that fit
25) having money (but have I ever had this?)
26) an adventurous spirit
27) road tripping
28) Missouri
29) driving on country roads!
30) my kittens.

For as long as I've been living in Lamar, MO, I have avoided taking any steps towards getting my license. There isn't really any particular reason aside from the fact that I far more prefer being the co-pilot and navigator than actual driver. Nevertheless, with our trip to LA quickly approaching, I thought it might be nice to actually have a license to help Joel out with the driving. With that in mind, i quickly read through the Missouri drivers handbook late Sunday night and decided that Monday after work I'd go in and take my learners permit exam.

Everything went well. For the most part at least. I passed my exam and was told to go to the license office where I'd receive my permit. Here in Lamar (and maybe Missouri in general?) we dint have a DMV. The Sheriffs department conducts the testing and then there's license offices that handle all the paper work. Anyways, so Joels mum and I make our way to the office and I hand the woman behind the counter my paper work, along with my passport to prove my lawful presence and identity and all that good stuff. Only, despite the fact that my passport clearly stated it was a US issued one, my nationality and place of birth, the woman had the nerve to ask me, "Are you a US Citizen?". Uhm...No, I just stole this passport from someone who was. I couldn't believe it. My citizenship has never been questioned before and I feel bothered by it. The woman gave me a hard time over the fact that my basic info was already in the system -- she asked repeatedly if i had a license before. Trust me, everyone and their mum would know if i had because I'd be so excited about it! She asked me why my info was in there -- I had no idea why it would be, except for the fact that maybe it was because I work for the county. Its the only explanation I could think of. On top of that, she seemed less than pleased that I didn't have my Social Security Card on me..something I never carry around, but I have my number memorized from all the college apps and fin aid forms I had to fill out years ago.

I happened to mention to my boss what happened and her response was pretty nonchalant and she excused the woman's questioning as "They're just not use to seeing passports." And continued to explain that when her husband, who's canadian, went in to get his license, they didn't ask him for any proofs. That only made things worse. Well i guess maybe the woman should have looked at it more carefully before asking me an asinine question such as, "are you a US citizen?", or I just need to be canadian.

Bah.