Human interaction = good.
I don't know where my fear originates from.
Is it from my shyness? My complete hatred (more like, complete FEAR) of calling people and initiating conversations? Or maybe a fear of the unknown. For someone who makes life altering decisions on what seems like a whim, I don't understand why the unexpected element of hanging out with people launches me into a sort of anti-social behavior, and I either ignore invites, or dread going through with plans I enthusiastically make.
After much nerves today, I found that I just need to get over the initial fear of meeting someone new, or someone I haven't seen in awhile, because once that's in the clear, I'm able to relax, laugh and have such a wonderful time.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday morning reflections
I miss the following (and I will not cry as I make this list):
1) my dignity!
2) Autumn, winter...seasons
3) my loft
4)books
5) reading
6) writing
7) thinking
8) the east coast
9) every where I've been to that is not LA
10) sleeping with Joel in a bigger bed
11) walking
12) being thin
13) short hair
14)cold
15) Veronica
16) feeling creative
17) Lake Michigan
18) subway trains
19) an apartment
20) cooking
21) grocery shopping
22) stop'n'shop
23) Boston Commons
24) clothes that fit
25) having money (but have I ever had this?)
26) an adventurous spirit
27) road tripping
28) Missouri
29) driving on country roads!
30) my kittens.
1) my dignity!
2) Autumn, winter...seasons
3) my loft
4)books
5) reading
6) writing
7) thinking
8) the east coast
9) every where I've been to that is not LA
10) sleeping with Joel in a bigger bed
11) walking
12) being thin
13) short hair
14)cold
15) Veronica
16) feeling creative
17) Lake Michigan
18) subway trains
19) an apartment
20) cooking
21) grocery shopping
22) stop'n'shop
23) Boston Commons
24) clothes that fit
25) having money (but have I ever had this?)
26) an adventurous spirit
27) road tripping
28) Missouri
29) driving on country roads!
30) my kittens.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
For as long as I've been living in Lamar, MO, I have avoided taking any steps towards getting my license. There isn't really any particular reason aside from the fact that I far more prefer being the co-pilot and navigator than actual driver. Nevertheless, with our trip to LA quickly approaching, I thought it might be nice to actually have a license to help Joel out with the driving. With that in mind, i quickly read through the Missouri drivers handbook late Sunday night and decided that Monday after work I'd go in and take my learners permit exam.
Everything went well. For the most part at least. I passed my exam and was told to go to the license office where I'd receive my permit. Here in Lamar (and maybe Missouri in general?) we dint have a DMV. The Sheriffs department conducts the testing and then there's license offices that handle all the paper work. Anyways, so Joels mum and I make our way to the office and I hand the woman behind the counter my paper work, along with my passport to prove my lawful presence and identity and all that good stuff. Only, despite the fact that my passport clearly stated it was a US issued one, my nationality and place of birth, the woman had the nerve to ask me, "Are you a US Citizen?". Uhm...No, I just stole this passport from someone who was. I couldn't believe it. My citizenship has never been questioned before and I feel bothered by it. The woman gave me a hard time over the fact that my basic info was already in the system -- she asked repeatedly if i had a license before. Trust me, everyone and their mum would know if i had because I'd be so excited about it! She asked me why my info was in there -- I had no idea why it would be, except for the fact that maybe it was because I work for the county. Its the only explanation I could think of. On top of that, she seemed less than pleased that I didn't have my Social Security Card on me..something I never carry around, but I have my number memorized from all the college apps and fin aid forms I had to fill out years ago.
I happened to mention to my boss what happened and her response was pretty nonchalant and she excused the woman's questioning as "They're just not use to seeing passports." And continued to explain that when her husband, who's canadian, went in to get his license, they didn't ask him for any proofs. That only made things worse. Well i guess maybe the woman should have looked at it more carefully before asking me an asinine question such as, "are you a US citizen?", or I just need to be canadian.
Bah.
Everything went well. For the most part at least. I passed my exam and was told to go to the license office where I'd receive my permit. Here in Lamar (and maybe Missouri in general?) we dint have a DMV. The Sheriffs department conducts the testing and then there's license offices that handle all the paper work. Anyways, so Joels mum and I make our way to the office and I hand the woman behind the counter my paper work, along with my passport to prove my lawful presence and identity and all that good stuff. Only, despite the fact that my passport clearly stated it was a US issued one, my nationality and place of birth, the woman had the nerve to ask me, "Are you a US Citizen?". Uhm...No, I just stole this passport from someone who was. I couldn't believe it. My citizenship has never been questioned before and I feel bothered by it. The woman gave me a hard time over the fact that my basic info was already in the system -- she asked repeatedly if i had a license before. Trust me, everyone and their mum would know if i had because I'd be so excited about it! She asked me why my info was in there -- I had no idea why it would be, except for the fact that maybe it was because I work for the county. Its the only explanation I could think of. On top of that, she seemed less than pleased that I didn't have my Social Security Card on me..something I never carry around, but I have my number memorized from all the college apps and fin aid forms I had to fill out years ago.
I happened to mention to my boss what happened and her response was pretty nonchalant and she excused the woman's questioning as "They're just not use to seeing passports." And continued to explain that when her husband, who's canadian, went in to get his license, they didn't ask him for any proofs. That only made things worse. Well i guess maybe the woman should have looked at it more carefully before asking me an asinine question such as, "are you a US citizen?", or I just need to be canadian.
Bah.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Hello?
It's been awhile. A long while. And I'm not sure why I'm writing now, except that a lot has and hasn't happened since I last wrote.
I woke up in a fantastic mood this morning after spending all of yesterday feeling sluggish, tired and physically exhausted. After work, Joel and I decided to make the trip to Joplin to get my hair cut and go have some real coffee and cigarettes; it wasn't going to be a very long outing..but as my hair was getting snipped away, the radio blasted warnings of approaching storms, and possible tornadoes. We got word from his Mum that the weather was indeed very severe in Lamar and were told to stay in Joplin until we heard from her again. So, when any given day we'd love to stay out of the house, this time it was forced, and not nearly as exciting as we had hoped or expect (but that coffee was damn good, and my hair? spectacular). Turns out, a tornado was spotted only one mile south from our town. Scary? Yes. Too many of these warnings in the last few days, it makes a Californian girl worried, stressed and well, terrified.
I felt so well rested this morning, energized and ready for the day spent manning the office alone. I brought my trusty mac book to try and find some Internet, or at the very least, be able to play music. But somewhere, my great mood just sort of evaporated. I'm not sure why. Or do i?
I leave tomorrow night for New York where Friday morning I'll meet up with my family and then drive down to Boston for my graduation this Saturday. No one really needs me to remind them of how I dealt with the last graduation I had. It was bad. And while I have been out of school for 5 months now, I feel ...weird about the whole thing. Weird about seeing my family for the first time in 5 months, weird about going back to Boston, weird about running into classmates, weird about the future! Oh...the future. What lies ahead for me? I feel as though I should know, but I don't. And that scares me. I can't decide whether starting a career, or continuing my education. The only thing I do know is that I want to return to LA, soon than later, but for how long? I can see myself living anywhere really and there's just so much I want to do.
Grah.
So many decisions and I can't seem to make any with conviction or confidence.
I woke up in a fantastic mood this morning after spending all of yesterday feeling sluggish, tired and physically exhausted. After work, Joel and I decided to make the trip to Joplin to get my hair cut and go have some real coffee and cigarettes; it wasn't going to be a very long outing..but as my hair was getting snipped away, the radio blasted warnings of approaching storms, and possible tornadoes. We got word from his Mum that the weather was indeed very severe in Lamar and were told to stay in Joplin until we heard from her again. So, when any given day we'd love to stay out of the house, this time it was forced, and not nearly as exciting as we had hoped or expect (but that coffee was damn good, and my hair? spectacular). Turns out, a tornado was spotted only one mile south from our town. Scary? Yes. Too many of these warnings in the last few days, it makes a Californian girl worried, stressed and well, terrified.
I felt so well rested this morning, energized and ready for the day spent manning the office alone. I brought my trusty mac book to try and find some Internet, or at the very least, be able to play music. But somewhere, my great mood just sort of evaporated. I'm not sure why. Or do i?
I leave tomorrow night for New York where Friday morning I'll meet up with my family and then drive down to Boston for my graduation this Saturday. No one really needs me to remind them of how I dealt with the last graduation I had. It was bad. And while I have been out of school for 5 months now, I feel ...weird about the whole thing. Weird about seeing my family for the first time in 5 months, weird about going back to Boston, weird about running into classmates, weird about the future! Oh...the future. What lies ahead for me? I feel as though I should know, but I don't. And that scares me. I can't decide whether starting a career, or continuing my education. The only thing I do know is that I want to return to LA, soon than later, but for how long? I can see myself living anywhere really and there's just so much I want to do.
Grah.
So many decisions and I can't seem to make any with conviction or confidence.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
