Hrrrmph

So, I was finally able to get the rest of my boxes (thanks to Joelee) and while I was very excited to have in my possession all my yummy clothes, shoes and books, I was a bit disappointed and annoyed that not included in the boxes were my movies, a handful of cds, nor this very very pretty liquor glassware I picked up at on a visit to a vintage store...BAH.

Oh well..back to paying the bills, and then some reading. I'm going to be productive my last couple hours awake! Another long day of work tomorrow...The rest of the weekend I have to write a draft paper and prepare yet another presentation; my last one of the semester and it's on my final paper (civilizacion y barbarie: el otro y la identidad en la literatura rioplatense).

And off i go!



Oh, and it's now Sat morn and after blowing drying my hair with the crappy blow dryer i stole from the upstairs bathroom at my parents house, i realised what else was missing!!! My hairdryers! Yes, plural. I had two. And now, another hrrrrmph!

Hi.

Tío Meño

I always grew up with my moms family around. She came over to the US when she was about 14 years old and by then, my grandma had settled in Los Angeles and had several children. My siblings and I were always exposed to my moms younger brothers and sisters some way or another, whether it be playing little league baseball with them, or shopping and doing make up together, babysitting their children -- they were always around. It was never quite like this with my dad's family. He came to the US when he was about 20 years old or so, maybe a year or two younger, I can't quite remember at the moment. THe only other person he knew out here was his half brother -- Meño. He was about 12 years older than him or so, the baby of my grandfather's first marriage, but still young enough to be raised by my dads mum. He took my dad in when he first arrived to the Los Angeles, and they continued to have their adventures like they did back in Santa Ines all those years. Later, my dad's younger brother Chito immigrated as well, and that's the extent of De Santiago's we have in the US for most of my life. Later, one of my dad's sisters would move to San Francisco, but they were never close and we only once made the trip up to see her (when I was about 5 or so).

Throughout my childhood I remember our trips to visit my dads only brother in town. He was older, with no children our age (he had children but they were much older than my sisters and I) and his new wife was a sweetheart. There wasn't much for my sisters and I to do at his house, so we usually had a deck of cards to play speed or slap jack, whichever game would keep us more quite since Dad would always flash us that look, yknow the one that said "you better behave or else you'll see when you get home". I don't understand why he did; we were always well behaved as kids, it was only much later that we became pains in the ass. I remember few things of my uncle, mostly they have to do with his appearance and his laugh, and the living room we would sit in during those regular visits. Every once in awhile, him and his wife would visit us, and he would only be in the house but a few minutes before rushing outside with my dad to have a smoke. Ahh, that's right. Smoke! My uncle was a heavy smoker, and the smell was part of who he was. I remember he wore glasses and always wondered what happened to one of his eyes -- all i knew was that he was blind in it, and I can't remember if he lost it in an accident at work or in a car crash. He always wore dark pants, navy or black, with the same kind of button up collared shirts. That was my uncle. He was sweet in his own way...and his laughter was almost intimidating. it was deep and required he move his whole upper body.

And a few years ago, the visits stopped. My dad and him wouldn't talk anymore -- some misunderstanding that now seems stupid.

He's only the 2nd person to pass away from my dads family..it's weird and surreal.

and when it rain, it pours...

I want to go on another roadtrip..either to Maine or DC. If Joel and I weren't working this weekend, and if it wasn't a holiday weekend, I may have suggested it. Maybe after school is done and we can get away for a couple of days...that'd be nice. I haven't been to DC in two years now!

countdown

3 presentations and 2 papers to go before school is over.
5 weeks until I see my family
3 weeks until my last paper is due.


....

Argh.

I'm finding it very difficult to get myself off the couch to get ready for school. It's 11 am, and i've been snoozing at the alarm for a half hour now. I fell asleep rather late on the couch, only to be periodically awaken by Zissou biting and scratching my bare legs an hour or so later. Finally, Joel got up and put him in the bathroom.

I haven't slept well and to make matters worse, I feel very nauseous AND it's pouring outside. The apartment is gloomy and dark because I haven't even bothered to get up and turn on any lights.

Did I mention that I really dislike my thursday class? I've been butting heads with it all semester long, and at one paper and one presentation away from being done (in this class) i find it difficult to find motivation to get it all done. I think there's only 3 more classes left though, so that's good.

This weekend I hope i'm not scheduled to work (i have to check that)...because I have two papers to write..one on Cervantes and the other on La Celestina, and quite a bit of reading...after that? a couple of presentations and one final research paper..which i still don't know what to do it on. I have to..well, do..research.

Eh..

I think i've wasted enough time sitting here babbling and complaining. I have to run to the back and get money for my train ticket, too, and with no Joelee around, I have to manage my time a bit better this morning/afternoon.

And off I go.

Tired.

I'm tired. Tired of many many things in my life right now. I'm tired of having to hide certain things from my parents, and feeling like telling them just isn't an option because I don't want to hear them lecture me, or hear whatever nasty comments my mom may spew out at me. I know she will. She did all summer long. I'm tired of worrying about this wedding in December. I'm bothered that my sister didn't think about the consequences of having a wedding sandwiched between Christmas and New Years in Mexico. I won't be flying back to LA (and being able to see Veronica) thanks to her bad planning. I won't be spending Christmas with my family, nor New Year's for other reasons. Mostly, I don't want to leave Joel out here alone for the holidays; it's not fair, and I don't mind all that much anyways. I'm tired of the details concerning the wedding -- where are the invitations? what color, style, etc should my dress be? Oh, David's Bridal? How am I suppose to get there? Taxi ride will easily cost me 20 bucks one way. I'm tired of the guilt I'm getting from various people in my family for not spending more time in Mexico. I'm sorry, but I have responsibilities that I need to take care of. December/January is an uncertain and stressful time. I'm finishing my MA program, and have to find a job. No more finaid, and loans need to be repaid. And you know what I'm most tired of? Not being motivated. I'm so tired of not feeling inspired to write, or read, or anything concerning school. Last four weeks left of my graduate work,and I just wish I could fast forward to the day that everything is turned in and over with. What a contrary reaction I'm having this time around than I did just 2 and a half years ago when I graudated from UCLA! Where did my love for academia go? Maybe it's just the school and my cohorts (who I swear don't like me), the commute, and the unfortunate selection of courses that have put me off. Maybe being in higher education for the last 6 or so years has just worn me out. Either way, I don't think know I can't jump right into a phd program. Perhaps in a couple of years away from academia and a program that really calls out to me will reignite my love for studying, reading and writing. I sure hope so.

Mom.

I have one (1) Mom for trade. If anyone's interested in trading moms, please let me know.