Hello?

It's been awhile. A long while. And I'm not sure why I'm writing now, except that a lot has and hasn't happened since I last wrote.

I woke up in a fantastic mood this morning after spending all of yesterday feeling sluggish, tired and physically exhausted. After work, Joel and I decided to make the trip to Joplin to get my hair cut and go have some real coffee and cigarettes; it wasn't going to be a very long outing..but as my hair was getting snipped away, the radio blasted warnings of approaching storms, and possible tornadoes. We got word from his Mum that the weather was indeed very severe in Lamar and were told to stay in Joplin until we heard from her again. So, when any given day we'd love to stay out of the house, this time it was forced, and not nearly as exciting as we had hoped or expect (but that coffee was damn good, and my hair? spectacular). Turns out, a tornado was spotted only one mile south from our town. Scary? Yes. Too many of these warnings in the last few days, it makes a Californian girl worried, stressed and well, terrified.

I felt so well rested this morning, energized and ready for the day spent manning the office alone. I brought my trusty mac book to try and find some Internet, or at the very least, be able to play music. But somewhere, my great mood just sort of evaporated. I'm not sure why. Or do i?

I leave tomorrow night for New York where Friday morning I'll meet up with my family and then drive down to Boston for my graduation this Saturday. No one really needs me to remind them of how I dealt with the last graduation I had. It was bad. And while I have been out of school for 5 months now, I feel ...weird about the whole thing. Weird about seeing my family for the first time in 5 months, weird about going back to Boston, weird about running into classmates, weird about the future! Oh...the future. What lies ahead for me? I feel as though I should know, but I don't. And that scares me. I can't decide whether starting a career, or continuing my education. The only thing I do know is that I want to return to LA, soon than later, but for how long? I can see myself living anywhere really and there's just so much I want to do.

Grah.

So many decisions and I can't seem to make any with conviction or confidence.