Tired.

I'm tired. Tired of many many things in my life right now. I'm tired of having to hide certain things from my parents, and feeling like telling them just isn't an option because I don't want to hear them lecture me, or hear whatever nasty comments my mom may spew out at me. I know she will. She did all summer long. I'm tired of worrying about this wedding in December. I'm bothered that my sister didn't think about the consequences of having a wedding sandwiched between Christmas and New Years in Mexico. I won't be flying back to LA (and being able to see Veronica) thanks to her bad planning. I won't be spending Christmas with my family, nor New Year's for other reasons. Mostly, I don't want to leave Joel out here alone for the holidays; it's not fair, and I don't mind all that much anyways. I'm tired of the details concerning the wedding -- where are the invitations? what color, style, etc should my dress be? Oh, David's Bridal? How am I suppose to get there? Taxi ride will easily cost me 20 bucks one way. I'm tired of the guilt I'm getting from various people in my family for not spending more time in Mexico. I'm sorry, but I have responsibilities that I need to take care of. December/January is an uncertain and stressful time. I'm finishing my MA program, and have to find a job. No more finaid, and loans need to be repaid. And you know what I'm most tired of? Not being motivated. I'm so tired of not feeling inspired to write, or read, or anything concerning school. Last four weeks left of my graduate work,and I just wish I could fast forward to the day that everything is turned in and over with. What a contrary reaction I'm having this time around than I did just 2 and a half years ago when I graudated from UCLA! Where did my love for academia go? Maybe it's just the school and my cohorts (who I swear don't like me), the commute, and the unfortunate selection of courses that have put me off. Maybe being in higher education for the last 6 or so years has just worn me out. Either way, I don't think know I can't jump right into a phd program. Perhaps in a couple of years away from academia and a program that really calls out to me will reignite my love for studying, reading and writing. I sure hope so.